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Note that the following events took place in the early to mid-90s, just before the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy was put in place in the military. Even with the implementation of that policy, being an active lesbian was risking your career, especially for an officer.

You really should read “Your Silver Night and Golden Days” first before reading this since this story picks up right after that one ends.

***

August 1992

I finally got my separation date (DOS) today. In two weeks, I can fly back to California and finally be with Grace, Matthew, and Mark. It would be just in time for Matthew’s birthday. I was so ready to be with them. Calling them every day helps, but it’s not the same as holding them when you tell them you love them. Thank God Grace has Kathy to support her. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would be like for a mother to lose an offspring.

Anybody who breezily says, “If you get an order that you can’t obey, you can always resign your commission,” has no idea what they’re talking about.

It’s been ten weeks of hell. Thank God I had General Travis supporting me and willing to indorse my resignation. I know it’ll probably cost him his fourth star, but he owed me. General Travis wouldn’t have got his first three stars except for me. Even General Fain has been supportive, not so much positively, but at least he didn’t fight it. General Fain was surprised that I had taken this route. He had been willing to keep the information about my homosexuality to himself. When I explained to him that this was best for the F-22 program, and for him, he acceded.

I had been debriefed almost daily, and all of the debriefings were tedious and repetitive. It was almost like they didn’t believe I was serious about leaving. After all, I had my line number for Lieutenant Colonel and was on a fast track to General. The agents from the Office of Investigative Services (OIS) were the worst. Their biggest hangup seemed to be the size of my bank accounts. I had to explain that my investments had been made with the inheritance and insurance money from my parents’ deaths and not payments from foreign entities. They were also interested in my relationship with Bonnie. Still, since she was dead, and because General Travis had indorsed my resignation, they were willing to overlook it for expediency’s sake.

Most of the time, an officer resigns their commission when they are charged with an offense under the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). Sometimes they are offered the chance to resign their commission to avoid a court-martial. Very seldom does someone just decide that they were no longer interested in being an officer and just up and resign their commission. Thus the many debriefings and the investigation by OIS. Now, if I had had enough service time to retire, I could have just asked for a date to retire, and I wouldn’t have to go through all of this bureaucratic nonsense.

At least I will get my Honorable Discharge and retain my VA benefits, thanks to General Travis.

I left the base and went home. I changed out of my uniform into jeans and a designer tee and headed out. I made my daily trip to Dayton Memorial Park to visit Bonnie’s grave. Her headstone had been installed three weeks ago, and the grass had started growing over the grave. As I sat there cross-legged in front of the gravestone, reading the inscription, I could feel the tears threatening to start. I told Bonnie about my day and my conversations with Matthew, Mark, Grace, and Kathy since yesterday.

I was looking forward to going home to Hawthorne in two weeks. The only thing dampening my enthusiasm was the thought that once I left to go back to California, Bonnie would be here all by herself. I lifted a prayer to Him, to keep her and cherish her and make sure she’s never alone.

I had bought the plot next to her for myself. As I sat there, I remembered my promise to Bonnie that I’d find someone else to love. I thought to myself, “If I do find someone else to love, how would she feel that I plan to be buried next to Bonnie when I die?”

“Oh, Bonnie,” I said, as I lay my hand on the gravestone, my finger tracing her inscribed name, “I miss you so much!” The tears that had threatened to fall since I got here made good on their threat.

Once I made it home, I started packing up my remaining belongings. I had already packed all of Bonnie’s things, and I could see the boxes with her stuff stacked up against the wall. The hardest part to pack was her collection of cards and photographs from our time at Wright Patterson. I remembered finding her report cards from her classes at Wright State to get her nursing degree. All of that hard work for naught. I know she had loved every moment of it and was so proud of her accomplishments, but the futility of it all had made me cry.

As I sat there, I realized that I just couldn’t do it. I needed to get away for a while. But denizli escort what to do? Anyplace I’d like to go to would only bring back memories of Bonnie and how she enjoyed everything we did together.

Suddenly, a memory forced its way into my head…

Bonnie wrapped her arms around me and said, “I think Alice is a lovely person.”

“Yes, she is,” I said, wondering where this was coming from.

“I think the two of you would be good for each other,” Bonnie said, a thoughtful look on her face.

“What?” I queried, suddenly realizing that Bonnie was making plans for me after she was gone.

“I don’t want you to be alone after I’m gone,” Bonnie replied. “I want you to find someone to love. I don’t want you moping around for the rest of your life.”

“I won’t be alone. I’m going to be looking after Matthew and Mark,” I said, not wanting to talk about this right now.

“I know that,” Bonnie said. “But you still need someone to hold you and love you, someone you can hold and love. I spent too many years alone, and I don’t want you to have to experience that.”

“No one can take your place,” I said. “It’s just not possible. Besides, I’m not worried about that right now. I still have you to love.”

I called Alice. When Mary Ann answered the phone, I asked to be put through to Alice. When Alice picked up, I said, “Alice, this is Virginia.”

“Hello, Virginia,” said Alice. “How are you doing today?”

“Not so good, Alice. Do you have any plans for the evening?” I asked.

After a long pause, Alice said, “No, I don’t. What do you have in mind?”

“Can we meet for dinner? I don’t want to be alone tonight, Alice,” I said, nearly tearing up.

Another long pause. I started to think that Alice was going to refuse, but she finally said, “Okay, Virginia. How about we meet at Bennigan’s at 6:30 PM?”

“That would be fine, Alice,” I replied, relieved that she was willing to see me. I’m sure she was worried that she might have gotten caught up in the investigation that I’ve been going through. I know she’s been asked a couple of times to meet with investigators since she was my immediate supervisor. Luckily, they had only been interested in her opinion of my work.

“Just so you know, my DOS has been approved for the 16th. All that’s left is signing paperwork. All of the investigations and debriefs are finished,” I said, trying to put her mind at ease.

“That’s good to hear, Virginia,” Alice said. “I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Alice,” I said and hung up the phone.

I took my time performing my toilet. I made sure I was freshly shaved everywhere. I put my hair into a double french braid, so it hung down between my shoulders. I put on my slinky little black dress with my black 3″ heels because I wanted to look pretty for Alice tonight. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I tried not to think about the last time that I had worn this dress…for Bonnie. I packed an overnight bag, just in case, before heading out. As I got in my car, I said to myself, “I’m doing this for you, Bonnie.”

I was so nervous as I pulled into the parking lot at Bennigan’s. I sat there for a minute, gathering myself before getting out of the car. I walked into Bennigan’s and told the hostess I wanted a table for two. Just as I went to sit down to wait for an available table, Alice walked in.

When I saw her, my heart clenched. Alice must have picked up that I was interested in more than a friendly dinner because she was decked out to the nines. Alice was wearing a red mock-neck sweater dress that came to mid-thigh with red 3″ heels. Her dress hugged all of her curves like it was a second skin. Alice’s hair was in an updo that displayed her thick black hair up off her long beautiful neck. My nipples hardened, aching pleasantly as my pussy started heating up.

As she walked up to me, I couldn’t help but admire how her hips swayed and her body undulated in all of the right ways. I also noted that her eyes were running up and down my body, obviously liking what they saw. If I hadn’t known her eyes were brown, I wouldn’t have known it to see them now. They were so dilated, they were black. I had no doubt that Alice was glad to see me as her nipples were tenting her dress. I’m sure Alice knew I was happy to see her because I knew my nipples were tenting my dress. When she got to me, she pulled me in for a full-body hug that immediately told me that I was not going to be alone tonight. I returned her hug as we exchanged kisses on the other’s cheek.

“Alice, I’m so glad you could see me tonight,” I said quietly into her ear.

“How could I say no?” Alice asked in my ear. “You sounded so sad, my heart nearly broke.”

We parted and went to sit down. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Alice, and she couldn’t take her eyes off gaziantep escort of me either. I noticed that all of the men were frankly staring at us, and not a few women were too.

“You look great,” I said. “I love what you did to your hair.”

“You’re no slouch, yourself,” Alice said. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you out of uniform before. You clean up good.”

Just then, the hostess called my name. We went up to the hostess, who then showed us to our table.

As we followed the hostess up to our table, Alice put her hand on my elbow possessively and seated me before seating herself. For the first time, I welcomed that touch. I knew that she cared for me, remembering back to the times I had worried that when she did, that I would give myself away.

I busied myself looking over the drink menu, vainly trying to ignore the blush that was spreading across my chest and up my throat. My chest was tight, and every time our eyes met, a pulse shot through my body. My nipples and clit tingled from the stimulus.

When our waitress came up to take our drink orders, I ordered a Sam Adams Pale Ale. Alice ordered a Strawberry Daiquiri. As our waitress walked away, I reached over with my right hand and took Alice’s left hand. I looked her in the eye and said, “I’m pretty emotional tonight. If I burst into tears, it’s because of that, and not anything you do.”

Alice squeezed my hand and said, “I understand, Virginia. Whatever happens tonight is what you want to happen. I am here for you.”

I squeezed Alice’s hand and said, “Thank you for that.”

We then spent the next few minutes going over the menu to figure out what we were going to order to eat. By the time our waitress returned with our drinks, I had decided on a Chef salad with honey mustard dressing on the side. Alice was getting a chicken Caesar salad. We gave our orders to the waitress. We picked up our drinks and clicked them together before taking a sip.

I again took Alice’s hand. I took a deep breath before saying, “Before Bonnie died, she made me promise to find somebody to love. I promised her I would.”

I had to stop because the emotions were threatening to overwhelm me. Alice squeezed my hand as my eyes started tearing up. I grabbed my napkin and dabbed the corners of my eyes to get rid of the tears.

Once I had myself under control, I looked into Alice’s eyes and said, “Bonnie thought you were a sweet person, and she gave me the green light to consider you for that role. I agree with her assessment.”

When I said that, Alice’s eyes started gleaming from the unshed tears in her eyes.

I went on, “However, there was a flaw in her thinking.”

I looked down while considering how I was going to finish my thought. When I had my thoughts ordered, I looked up and into Alice’s eyes as I said, “My heart is in Hawthorne with Matthew and Mark. They need me. Before Bonnie would commit to loving me, I had to commit to loving Matthew and Mark as if they were my own sons. I made my commitment, and then Bonnie made hers.”

I squeezed Alice’s hand again before stating the obvious conclusion, “I can’t stay here and pursue a relationship with you while leaving Matthew and Mark in California. Conversely, while I’m with them, I can’t pursue a relationship with you here in Ohio. With the choice being between you, as much as I’d love to, or the boys, you lose.”

With that said, I let go of Alice’s hand. I buried my face in my hands and started crying.

Alice came around and sat next to me. She took me in her arms and hugged me, joining me with her tears. We must have been a bit of a spectacle, but I didn’t care. I eventually stopped crying and hugged her back. Once we were back in control of our emotions, we separated, and Alice returned to her seat.

I grinned weakly and said to her, “Sorry for the tears. As I said, I’m a bit emotional.”

The waitress chose that time to bring our food. After checking to see if we needed anything else, she left us to our meals. We both dug in and enjoyed our salads. We chatted on lighter subjects while we ate. We reminisced about the first time we met at Bennigan’s when we outed ourselves to each other.

Eventually, we finished eating. While we were waiting for the check, I reached over and took Alice’s hand once again. Giving it a squeeze, I locked eyes with Alice and said, “We still have two weeks before I leave for good. There is no future for the two of us, but I would like to spend these last two weeks experiencing what a relationship with you would have been like.”

Alice’s eyes grew wide, and her breath hitched as she comprehended what I was proposing. Before giving her a chance to answer, I lowered my head and closed my eyes, tears threatening to fall again, as I said, “At the very least, please give me tonight. I couldn’t bear going back to my place alone tonight.”

Alice squeezed seks hikayeleri my hand, and I heard her clear her throat before saying, “Yes.”

With that, I looked up, and the tears started falling again. “Thank you,” I whispered while squeezing Alice’s hand.

The waitress came up with our bill. We each put a twenty on it and got up to leave. Again, Alice put her hand on my elbow possessively, as we left the restaurant. When we got out into the parking lot, we separated to go to our cars. I was going to follow her to her place. She gave me directions in case we got separated.

I pulled into the driveway and parked behind Alice’s car. I got out, retrieving my overnight bag, and followed her into her home. Once Alice turned to close the door and lock it, I stepped up behind her and put my arms around her, molding my body to hers. My right cheek laid on the base of her neck as my hands slid over her core. Alice’s body felt so good on mine, my hard nipples digging into her back as I snuggled into her. A soft moan escaped my mouth as Alice’s hands moved onto my hands.

After an interminable time, I sighed and backed away from Alice, unwrapping my arms from around her. Alice turned and brought her hands up to cup my face. She tilted her head down to my uptilted face and put her lips on mine. The feeling of her silky soft lips pressing against mine was incredible, and a small moan escaped my mouth. I felt her tongue run across my lower lip, asking for permission to enter. My mouth opened, granting permission. Our tongues met and made gentle love to each other.

We both started moaning as our arms went around each other. My arms went around Alice’s waist, pulling our thighs together. Her arms went around my shoulders, crushing our chests together, our hard nipples scoring each other’s breasts. Our mouths pressed together even harder as our moans grew louder.

My hands started wandering up and down her back, finally sliding down and cupping her ass. As my hands ran over her ass, I noticed that I didn’t feel any pantie lines. Apparently, Alice had removed them somewhere between the restaurant and here.

Suddenly, the enormity of what I was doing here with Alice hit me. I pulled back, breaking our kiss and pushing myself away from Alice, bursting into tears. My knees buckled, and I would have collapsed to the floor except that Alice grabbed my arms and guided me to the couch. I sank down onto the cushions, sobbing so hard my chest hurt.

“What’s the matter, Virginia?” asked Alice as she sat next to me, wrapping her arms around me.

“Oh, god, Alice, I’m so sorry,” I said, once I could speak. “I…I thought I could do this,” I sobbed, breaking down again.

I sat there on the couch for the longest time, aware of Alice’s arms around me, holding me tight. She was rocking me back and forth and murmuring, “It’s okay, Virginia,” over and over again. The hurt in my chest started easing, and the tears stopped leaking from my eyes.

I straightened up and said, “Thank you, Alice. I think I have myself back under control.”

Alice moved to pull back, and I immediately wrapped my arms around her and said, “No, I need your arms around me.”

“Okay, Virginia,” Alice said, tightening her hold on me.

I placed my head on Alice’s shoulder and hopefully said, “Maybe tonight, we can just hold each other?”

“Sure,” said Alice. “We’ll take it as slow as you want.”

“Thank you,” I said as I relaxed into her arms. “This feels so good. I’m sorry that I lost it there. It wasn’t anything you did, it was me. I suddenly realized what I was doing, and it momentarily overwhelmed me. Even though Bonnie gave me her blessing, I felt like I was cheating on her.”

With that said, we stayed there on the couch for a while. I enjoyed the feel of Alice’s body against mine. A peace came over me, and I drifted off to sleep.

After a while, I woke up, finding myself still in Alice’s arms. She whispered in my ear, “Welcome back, Virginia.”

I pulled back, loosening my grip on Alice, and she relaxed her hold on me.

I looked in her eyes and said, “Take me to bed, please.”

We got up off the couch. I retrieved my overnight bag, and Alice led me into her bedroom. She showed me where the bathroom was and said I could go first.

I took care of my toilet, removing my dress and underwear, and donning a sleeping tee and panties. When I came out of the bathroom, I noted that Alice had turned down the bed and had a dim light on her night table. I said, “Your turn,” as I headed to the bed.

I climbed into the bed while Alice went into the bathroom. I burrowed under the sheets and immediately fell asleep. For the first time in three months, I had a deep, peaceful sleep, feeling safe and loved. My dreams were pleasant, and even when I dreamed about Bonnie, she made it clear to me that she didn’t want me to feel guilty about finding someone to love.

As I woke up, I realized that there was someone spooned up against me. I felt an arm around my ribs, and I could hear the soft breathing of a sleeping person by my right ear. For a moment, my heart leaped, and I almost thought it was Bonnie before I caught myself and remembered that I was in Alice’s bed.

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